using 1946 as the beginning of the baby boom era, that puts the eldest of that generation at 67 years old.
with relatively no family of my own, its startling how many demented people i know. in fact, i learned of one more over the weekend as a friend’s dad went temporarily missing and a second last night as she drove down my driveway and hit my house. no measurable damage was done to the house but when natalie went out to see why she was driving her over-sized car in to our house, she said “visiting you”
she left our driveway and went back to the public roads with little to no more certainly than she had come.
when we called the folks in the neighborhood who were this ladies intended destination they didn’t seem surprised that she had ended up in the wrong driveway, more accurately they were curious how far away she was this time.
this is just the beginning of the tide of demented old people who will soon be out wandering around our towns. our only hope is that they don’t master cell phone technology and start texting as well…
there is a stuffed dog in our house that is about the same size as a real dog and is equally mangy. no matter how many times i come around the corner and see it lying in front of me i have to remind myself its only a stuffed dog.
given the amount of hatred i have for this stuffed version of dog its unimaginable to how i would feel about a real one that was pooping in my yard, licking and jumping on everything and leaving hair on everything it touched.
pretty sure logan’s wish for pets will be unfulfilled until she is out on her own and if she decides to leave town or join the peace corp she will need to find some other willing home to take in her livestock.
the entire third grade has been getting a daily homework assignment that involves reading a story and answering a number of questions about the story. the kids are supposed to answer a few questions each day and turn the sheet in at the end of the week.
we’ve all noticed that turning in the homework results in little to no feedback and certainly isn’t resulting in a grade of any kind.
a neighbor’s son who despises the daily homework even more than ethan has also caught on to this lack of grading. a few weeks ago he answered every question on the homework with -
my butt stinks my butt stinks, my butt stinks
unfortunately his parents also review his work and this awesome experiment never made it back to the teacher.
last week natalie took logan to a classmate’s birthday party at a roller skating rink. an accomplished skater when she was a child natalie donned the skates and was about to head to the rink when her feet rolled out from under her and she caught herself on one arm.
she was pretty sure she broke her arm but a trip to the urgent care center ruled out a break and luckily she only has to contend with a miserable strain.
not to be outdone, i was in the garage earlier this week getting ready to dig some holes. i had on my boots with lace hooks at the top but my shoes were not tied. as i stepped by my mower one of the lace hooks on my boots caught on the mower’s starter cord and threw me off balance. i went tumbling down backwards over the mower and in to other tools in the garage. i didn’t need a visit to the urgent care center to know my arm wasn’t broken but its crazy tender to the touch even still.
as i was digging the holes i replayed the odd fall over again in my mind. i was thankful i no longer disabled the engine running safety that requires you to hold two bars together to run the engine.
a cohen-esque scene played through my mind of snagging my shoe on the mower starter cord and as i fell it pulled the mower to life, as i hit the ground the mower rolls over one of my splayed limbs taking a piece of me in a dizzying spray of blood™
there’s a pleasant young adult who who walks her dog in our neighborhood but doesn’t always remember to clean up after the dog. it may not be fair to call this animal a dog because its droppings would impress an elephant.
so after a finding her animal’s distinct waste in our yard i had to speak to her about it. i’ve spoken to her a number of times but the day i asked her to clean up after her dog she looked like she thought i might hit her. i swear i said it as nicely as is possible but if ever i thought i wasn’t perceived by the kids today as an angry old man telling them to stay off my grass, that illusion was shattered.
so now that i’m officially a curmudgeon i’m owning it – last night i posted this to the neighborhood web site:
Tonight around 7:15pm a young man was speeding along the circle by [redacted] place and on past [redacted] court.
As we stood there and discussed the wreckless driving with neighbors who live in that area he came flying back at equally excessive speeds.
We flagged him down in the street to ask him to slow down and no kidding he replied to us “Sorry, I’m in a hurry” and raced off.
The young man was driving a greyish-blue, older sedan, license plate [redacted]. If you know this young man please impress upon him that this is a neighborhood with lots of small kids who walk, play and ride bikes in the street and their safety is exponentially more important than wherever he poorly planned to be.