modern english 2015.04.21

my son has taken to using the word “hashtag” as an adverb and adjective in regular speech. never mind he has never used twitter and i’m pretty certain couldn’t identify a hashtag on a keyboard…

#THANKSTWITTER

catch-22 2015.04.20

this weekend natalie said “i’d like to meet other people who discourage their kids from being on electronics but the only place i know to look is on the internet”

not the worst joke in the world 2015.04.16

when my kids say “do you want to hear the world’s worst joke?” i typically respond “no”, knowing i’m going to hear it regardless of how i answered the question.

wednesday’s worst joke in the world was – “if april showers bring may flowers, what do may flowers bring?”

the punch-line “pilgrims”

and unlike so many other worst jokes in the world, this one actually made me laugh.

clinton v bush 2015.04.15

twenty-four years ago we got / had to pick between a clinton or a bush for president.

in those twenty-four years the white house has been occupied by a clinton or bush for all but eight years when we put that black guy in to piss off our grandparents.

and over those twenty-four years i wouldn’t say things have gone so well i would ask for more. so how on earth is it possible that we may end up with a presidential election between a clinton and bush?

i am absolutely positive there are other families with bright and talented people and would suggest something is grotesquely wrong when we have family dynasties ruling this country.

a mouth full of trust 2015.04.14

on sunday morning when we picked ethan up from his sleep-over, his friend’s brother returned home with an interesting tale from the birthday sleep-over he attended the night before.

seems they paired up the kids, one blindfolding the other and went on a trust walk where the kid who could see was supposed to tell the kid who couldn’t where he was supposed to go. there was some breakdown in communication on his walk as he was led in to a cactus and fell face first in to it. he spent the rest of the evening picking cactus spines out of his shirt, chest, hands, arms, face and even his mouth. that’s right, he got cactus spines in the mouth.

how good a sport is this kid? afterwards, he told the boy who led him in to the cactus “i still trust you”

but the story didn’t end there, it continued to get worse. they weren’t able to get all the small cactus spines out so he couldn’t sleep with the spines rubbing and snagging against the inside of his sleeping bag. he tried putting his arm and hand outside the sleeping bag but then was too cold to sleep. again, he never complained.

half past never 2015.04.13

i dropped ethan off at a friend’s house for a sleepover on saturday.

i went in to confirm the pickup time and to be sure we weren’t arriving at a bad time.

i told the other parent we weren’t sure when to come because ethan reported they had said “you can come now or half past never”

the other family are cut-ups and have known ethan for forever so i assumed they were having fun with him, but after sharing the exchange as reported by ethan they told me they had said “you can come now or whenever”

guess its not quite time to turn over the logistics…

dot sucks 2015.04.10

i just found out there is a new top level domain “sucks”

so some lucky fool can own the domain “everything.sucks” or “to-be-you.sucks” but they are charging between $230 and $3,000 a year to register one of these domains.

“sucks-domains.sucks” – and that name is still available…

accu-nothing… 2015.04.08

now, not only do they exaggerate and get the weather wrong. they’ve brought that same lack of accuracy and hyperbole to the teaser video…

what about this is a flip?

car flip

single servings 2015.04.07

my problem with junk food is that no matter what size it comes in, be it a half gallon of ice cream or 10 ounce bag of robin’s eggs (doh! easter candy), i like to enjoy it as a single serving…

another victim of facebook 2015.04.06

we were at a hotel this weekend and i ended up talking with a police officer who lived near by.

he was talking about frequenting the dunkin donuts nearby but was real quick to say – but only for the coffee.

i joked “what? a police officer who doesn’t like donuts”

and he said “no, i just never eat donuts in uniform. that always ends up on facebook somehow.”

when technology takes donuts away from people, its gone too far.

believer 2015.04.03

i’ve never watched a comedy central roast before and know next to nothing about justin bieber save he egged his neighbor’s mansion, but somehow accidented across the comedy central roast of justin bieber and was completely drawn in. it was some of the funniest stuff i’ve seen / heard in a while.

plus i spent a good deal of the show trying to figure out if it was a genuine roast with a real justin bieber on stage, or a gag and some goofy looking stand-in posing as justin. truth be told – i’m still not sure. but i am positive the dais of roasters tore it up.

hey hey goodbye 2015.04.01

on the way home from snowshoe we were listening to a shuffle of songs on the ipad and ‘Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye’ by steam came up.

the kids cried and said the song was terrible.

then i told them it was a taunt, sung by a home team when they had eliminated their opponent.

now, they have been singing the song nearly non-stop for two days…

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