thanks to a semiotics professional (an expert in signs and language) i will always think “i taste like tuna” whenever i see a jesus fish on someone’s bumper.

“music gets the best of me… but guess who gets the rest of me” -sophie ellis bextor. it’s these type of mind numbing lyrics that fuel the charm of pop music.

everyone’s warning of how little free time remains after having a child is an immense hourglass weighing on every free moment i have now.

did you ever see the time lapse film of a sneeze where millions of microscopic particles explode from a person’s mouth? well, i possess the superpower of being able to see this without a camera.

i can’t decide if its funny or sad what happens to a group of men when an attractive woman comes in sight.

when i was young and impoverished i would worry about having the right clothes to wear when going out to a fancy restaurant, now that i’m wiser and a bit more affluent i know that a good tip can compensate for any shortcoming in my appearance.

i always want to box in someone after hearing them say “outside the box”.

i thought it was pretty narrow when the united states house of representatives’ cafeteria re-branded french fries freedom fries, but i’m even more embarrassed to realize we have been doing this since world war ii when sauerkraut became liberty cabbage.

preferential treatment or special accommodations should be made for people who operate at speeds above that of the masses.

is there any possible way to continue dining at a restaurant after discovering an “employees must wash their hands before returning to work” placard in the restroom.