who does walmart think its fooling by rounding up the neighborhood misfits and tossing a ‘how can i help you’ vest over their shoulders?

i’d tell you that i’m not superstitious but then its much harder to explain why i didn’t want to purchase any baby paraphernalia too early so as to not jinx the pregnancy.

i was remiss yesterday in not congratulating lance armstrong on his monster fifth straight win of the tour de france, and to jan ullrich who kept it interesting til the last.

how is it possible that i’m not the number one hit on a google search for feldt?

the best thing since you got your peanut butter in my chocolate – the vw beetle and ipod.

one of the most irresponsible diet fad slogans yet – “tired of difficult or dangerous exercises?”

i’m certain that if my finger touches the soft spot at the crown of a newborn’s head it will poke through to their chin.

i find it disturbing, in a deliverance kind of way, to hear a grown man call his wife “mother”.

to date, my favorite question asked of the computer guys – “am i damaging my four year old by only exposing him to microsoft windows?” i’ll let you infer their response…

i can’t wait until i’m an old codger and am in no hurry to get anywhere.

can you believe that f.l.k. (funny looking kid) is an actual medical diagnosis?

matthew: can you listen to a radio on your motorcycle?
co-worker: nope, its just you and your philosophy.