we don’t celebrate christmas, easter, valentine’s day or most other traditional holidays but i was pretty sure natalie was going to get a halloween costume for our two month old son – and i was right.

i would rather have a president who lied about tickling an intern with a cigar than one who lies about everything else.

after breaking out tostitos to scoop up the enchilada casserole my wife made for dinner, i wasn’t sure if she was referring to me or the casserole when she said “dip”.

“we report, you decide” – is it possible to create a slogan that more directly states we’re full of shit and don’t think you’ll notice or care.

after having painters, plumbers, roofers and satellite installers at my house for the past two weeks the place could light up in flames and i’d think twice about calling the fire department.

co-worker: so do you get any dates from having a web site?
me: i get surprisingly few dates from my web site…

i’ve never been impressed with the thin stripe of paper at the doctor’s office that ignores covering the edges of the examining table and after the unmentionable thing i witnessed tonight you can be sure i won’t be climbing on another without asking for a latex body suit.

one of the toughest things to live up to while growing up was a friend of my father’s telling me that in order to be a man i would have to fill the entire toilet bowl with bubbles when i peed.

rush hour… rain storm… sounds like a great time to get behind the wheel and on the cell phone…

i don’t really have an idea of my own, so i’ll share someone else’s (original source unknown)

proposed bumper stickers for the next presidential election:

bush/cheney ’04: this time, elect us!
bush/cheney ’04: compassionate colonialism
bush/cheney ’04: because the truth just isn’t good enough.
bush/cheney ’04: four more wars
bush/cheney ’04: leave no billionaire behind
bush/cheney ’04: making the world a better place, one country at a time.
bush/cheney ’04: putting the “con” in conservatism
bush/cheney ’04: thanks for not paying attention.
bush/cheney ’04: the last vote you’ll ever have to cast.
bush/cheney: asses of evil
g.w. bush: whom would jesus bomb?

i can’t believe its sweetest day again already – don’t worry if you have no idea what i’m talking about because before moving to cleveland (the headquarters of american greetings) i didn’t know either…

congratulations to the chinese for successfully sending a man to orbit and then safely returning him – you don’t suppose they’re pretending they were the first to do this, do you?