gone shopping – not!

ever since i discovered you could fry a turkey i have been waiting for someone who cooks turkey this way to invite me over and its definitely not too early for me to consider a dinner invitation for next year – happy thanksgiving.

i can remember a time when i thought i was very smart, but i’ve gotten over that and realized everyone else is just dumb.

when i went through and deleted all the messages that backed up on our answering machine i noticed everyone that calls us greets the machine with “hey!”

ever since the beginning of the year tomorrow has been the day i was going to start working out and getting back to pre-wedding conditioning.

even worse, the young foreign au pairs whose applications feature a picture of themselves decked out in a prom dress obviously don’t understand all the images that stirs up in an american man’s mind.

the young foreign au pairs whose applications feature a picture of themselves decked out in a prom dress obviously don’t understand all the images that stirs up in an american woman’s mind.

when over the weekend our house was the only one on the block to loose power i immediately asked “what the hells wrong with the electric company”, natalie asked “do you think we’re being set up to be axed murdered?”

my favorite aunt, the same one who called triple-a to unlock her keys from the car even though one of the car windows was down, is coming from oklahoma to share her unique brand of humor with my home today.

its a guinness world record that the best selling non-copyrighted book in the world is the book guinness world records.

yesterday there were 50mph winds in cleveland so when my wife called me at work i was expecting to hear we had lost another old tree not that she was locked out of the house because a door had blown closed behind her.

is cramming as much food as is physically possible in to your mouth at a single time a sign of an eating disorder?