this is the one day of the year where i try to be in bed before midnight.

while i’m picking on microsoft – i have finally figured out whats going on in their new “great moments at work” ad campaign. the unrestrained jubilance in cube hell is due to someone finally figuring out how to disable all the obnoxious assistant, auto-correct and auto-format features of microsoft office.

every time i abandon real software for something written by microsoft i end up wanting to kick myself in the teeth later.

for the first time in my life i got a flu shot because we have a new baby at home and my wife (who happens to be a doctor) was all keen on it. my opinion on the matter is that the flu shot is the modern day equivalent of snake oil.

i’d wish you a merry christmas but we for the past two years we haven’t celebrated christmas and have been much happier as a result.

having a baby hasn’t made me feel like a parent but shopping for a crib and arranging for a baby sitter sure do.

natalie: so your going someplace other than work to meet with the people you work with?
mathew: yes, it’s called an offsite.
natalie: i think it’s called stupid…

something strange has come over me and i’m now fascinated by the customer testimonials in infomercials.

matthew: [insert a bunch of derogatory things i can't repeat in print here]. want a skittle?
coworker: that’s the crazy thing about you – i’d be worked in to a frenzy to think the things you just said and your all ‘want a skittle?’

i attended my first nba game last night and was most surprised by the discourse we got from the guy sitting behind us on the virtues of the various methods of obtaining porn.

i’m not sure how i feel about my wife occasionally reaching out in the middle of the night for my neck to search for a pulse.

i think i’m one of only twelve people on earth who admit they do bad things on purpose.