they haven’t invented storage media sizeable enough to store the volume of things for which i have contempt.

what is it about folks who grow up in the city and should be hip to living with cars that makes them inclined to saunter across streets in front of moving traffic?

i wish i could have been the color commentator for the rams divisional playoff game this past saturday because mike martz did such a lousy job of coaching that the game would have had to been twice as long to get just half my comments in.

matthew: is viagra addictive or have any side effects other than causing erections?
natalie: no, it only increases erections.
matthew: you don’t think increased erections would be addictive?

if you haven’t seen this your missing out on some great humor. be sure and vote for my favorite.

what are the chances that any incarnation of “straight eye for the queer guy” could rival the concepts people have tossed around at dinner parties.

if you think my comments yesterday about natalie scraping up the honda were a knock, you should know that is the longest she’s ever had a car before dinging it up since i’ve known her.

we got 146 days out of our brand new honda before natalie drove it in to something.

the reason we now call mobile phones “cells” is that everyone knows you aren’t supposed to use one while moving and that the world would be a safer place if anyone who did was locked away.

happy new year! and don’t bother with any silly new year resolutions today because if you weren’t committed to the goal all year, flipping a calendar surely won’t be the secret to succeeding.