only in my house is this not the opening salvo of a wicked fight:

did you bring home your new girlfriend’s underwear?

a publisher contacted me to do professional evaluation of a book proposal for them without mentioning any payment, free books or even a single chocolate kiss. but, they don’t appear to need any incentives because i, and probably a bunch of other people, chumpishly agreed.

conversing with marketing:

do we support bealogic?
its b-e-a, weblogic
i know how its spelled!
no, its an acronym, b-e-a, new word, weblogic

no cell phone reception, no internet connection and i’m drying laundry out on a clothes line – does this qualify as roughing it?

at dinner on saturday night a friend was describing a recent acquaintance as a pretentious, rastafarian-looking, vegan (who somehow found an exception when it came to eating ice cream) that interrupted conversation to scribble down ideas in his little pocketbook of thoughts and i couldn’t help but wonder, “am i the bald, meat-eating, digital version of this clown?”

its hard to be proud of your work-out at the ymca when the only person lightening the load on the bench press behind you is a sixty pound, white haired woman.

staying at work til late always seems to be appreciated much more than arriving early. and the only consolation for arriving early is a lousy worm?

living with three small children has convinced me that man didn’t reach the pinnacle of the food chain by virtue of a large brains but rather because we can make the most horrific noises of any beast on the planet.

a wise, veteran parent told me that a toddler reacts to the arrival of a new baby in about the same way a woman would welcome her husband bringing home his mistress.

npr re-broadcast a garrison
keillor joke show from april 2004
which reminded me a lot of the campy humor that appealed to my grandfather so much.

here are the couple jokes which
struck me as funny:

the blonde was so proud because she finished a puzzle in 52 days that said “2-3 years”

pentagon officials now believe they have found osama bin laden because he has found a place in which to hide where you can buy
your way in no one will remember you were there, and you have no obligations: the texas air national guard.

dad must be so proud…

“even though i’m a tranquil guy now at this stage of my life, i have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. they are, in my view, the most insidious, of traitors.” – president george h.w. bush, april 26, 1999

the truth about the deadbolt on my mother’s bedroom door was never as exciting a story as those imagined by my childhood friends.