is it possible to attend a neighborhood association meeting and not feel like morty on seinfeld?

in making my lunch this morning i noticed we were out of mustard. if you didn’t just gasp in horror, you obviously don’t know the significance of mustard in natalie’s life.

i have taken much abuse for my 12 inch diagonal tube television. no more – i’m chilling in front of a 32 inch lcd flat panel now baby!

i don’t like ice cream in pints – especially since the server size information implies there are three more than one server per pint.

when did glamour shots get the contract for texas indictment photos? if delay isn’t guilty of the current charges against him, ronnie earle shouldn’t have too much trouble finding something illegal hiding behind that fake smile.

i am not surprised that president bush courts the religious right, i even believe that he may have a personal relationship with a supreme being, although i doubt that relationship resembles anything found in mainstream christian churches.

my opinion is that president bush courts the religious right because no where else can you lie and disappoint a group so routinely and still exploit their willingness to be faithful.

i’ve received two compliments at work recently, the first was “your so committed” and the second was “i don’t think as quickly as you do”.

ordinarilly i should be flattered, but i think there may be translations to consider, first “your such a hard-ass” and second “i’m not as big a dick as you are”.

Nah, they couldn’t have meant that…

there are some things i don’t like about being bald but there wasn’t anything that didn’t suck about visiting the barber.

i started out the day with my primary care physician getting a derm referral to check out what looks like cancer on my ear. then i ended the day with an attorney planning the distribution of my finances at my demise. but, i feel so alive and vibrant?

“sorry, we have dental work and don’t eat popcorn” was the little white lie i told when a cub scout came to my door pimping popcorn. it seemed unfair to tell the little 2 1/2 foot tall human, “sorry, i don’t buy popcorn from homophobic organizations.”

ethan’s pretty much echoing everything we say including fuck after his mother and most recently damnit after his father. so yesterday i started a twenty-five cent penalty for each obscenity i utter at work. if you think twenty-five cents isn’t much of a deterrent, you obviously haven’t worked with me before.

t-t-there w-w-wasn’t a-a-anything w-w-wise a-a-about p-p-pitching i-i-in o-o-on t-t-the s-s-sixty d-d-dollar b-b-bag o-o-of c-c-chocolate c-c-covered e-e-expresso b-b-beans.