in response to losing the no and why game with my two year old – i got even by stealing all his halloween candy.

i made my contribution to the npr fund raising drive after ira glass convinced me that no matter how much the listening audience hates the fund raising drives, the announcers hate it more.

there isn’t anything i know as defeating as the no and why game with a two year old.

when ever i walk up behind a police officer i have an involuntary impulse to jack their revolver. my plan for relieving the tension should i ever act out this impulse is to toss the gun back and cajole “just clowning cousin”.

i was born at a very unfortunate time, too late to enjoy the sex, drugs and rock and roll of the sixties; arrived at my sexual peak during the height of the std and aids scare; and now that i’m old and married, college girls walk around in tight t-shirts with “spitters are quitters” written across their chests.

extreme right political action committees have have launched aggressive television and web campaigns promoting judge samuel alito. if that doesn’t scare you in to finding out who this guy and whats hes about then i hope you won’t mind living in ashcroft’s america.

a week ago i had a suspicious freckle removed from my ear and yesterday i found out it was a malignant melanoma. in relaying the news to natalie over a cell phone she heard 5.0mm melanoma instead of 0.5mm. the prior has a five year survival rate of 30% while the latter is 94%.

after four hours of pacing and trying to figure out how she was going to pay the bills after i’d gone, natalie finally called to figure out why i wasn’t more concerned. clearing up the decimal confusion brought me back to life and there was much rejoicing for both of us because her reaction to the pathology was freaking me out too.

now i just have to hope the pathologist didn’t make a similar mistake in the opposite direction…

cheney should have been beating down the door of the commander and chief writers instead of the cia, because the cia can’t touch the commander and chief writers when it comes to making up fake national security issues.

coworker-1: is matthew a backstabber?
coworker-2: oh no, matthew is a frontstabber.