there is a stuffed dog in our house that is about the same size as a real dog and is equally mangy. no matter how many times i come around the corner and see it lying in front of me i have to remind myself its only a stuffed dog.
given the amount of hatred i have for this stuffed version of dog its unimaginable to how i would feel about a real one that was pooping in my yard, licking and jumping on everything and leaving hair on everything it touched.
pretty sure logan’s wish for pets will be unfulfilled until she is out on her own and if she decides to leave town or join the peace corp she will need to find some other willing home to take in her livestock.
the entire third grade has been getting a daily homework assignment that involves reading a story and answering a number of questions about the story. the kids are supposed to answer a few questions each day and turn the sheet in at the end of the week.
we’ve all noticed that turning in the homework results in little to no feedback and certainly isn’t resulting in a grade of any kind.
a neighbor’s son who despises the daily homework even more than ethan has also caught on to this lack of grading. a few weeks ago he answered every question on the homework with -
my butt stinks my butt stinks, my butt stinks
unfortunately his parents also review his work and this awesome experiment never made it back to the teacher.
last week natalie took logan to a classmate’s birthday party at a roller skating rink. an accomplished skater when she was a child natalie donned the skates and was about to head to the rink when her feet rolled out from under her and she caught herself on one arm.
she was pretty sure she broke her arm but a trip to the urgent care center ruled out a break and luckily she only has to contend with a miserable strain.
not to be outdone, i was in the garage earlier this week getting ready to dig some holes. i had on my boots with lace hooks at the top but my shoes were not tied. as i stepped by my mower one of the lace hooks on my boots caught on the mower’s starter cord and threw me off balance. i went tumbling down backwards over the mower and in to other tools in the garage. i didn’t need a visit to the urgent care center to know my arm wasn’t broken but its crazy tender to the touch even still.
as i was digging the holes i replayed the odd fall over again in my mind. i was thankful i no longer disabled the engine running safety that requires you to hold two bars together to run the engine.
a cohen-esque scene played through my mind of snagging my shoe on the mower starter cord and as i fell it pulled the mower to life, as i hit the ground the mower rolls over one of my splayed limbs taking a piece of me in a dizzying spray of blood™
there’s a pleasant young adult who who walks her dog in our neighborhood but doesn’t always remember to clean up after the dog. it may not be fair to call this animal a dog because its droppings would impress an elephant.
so after a finding her animal’s distinct waste in our yard i had to speak to her about it. i’ve spoken to her a number of times but the day i asked her to clean up after her dog she looked like she thought i might hit her. i swear i said it as nicely as is possible but if ever i thought i wasn’t perceived by the kids today as an angry old man telling them to stay off my grass, that illusion was shattered.
so now that i’m officially a curmudgeon i’m owning it – last night i posted this to the neighborhood web site:
Tonight around 7:15pm a young man was speeding along the circle by [redacted] place and on past [redacted] court.
As we stood there and discussed the wreckless driving with neighbors who live in that area he came flying back at equally excessive speeds.
We flagged him down in the street to ask him to slow down and no kidding he replied to us “Sorry, I’m in a hurry” and raced off.
The young man was driving a greyish-blue, older sedan, license plate [redacted]. If you know this young man please impress upon him that this is a neighborhood with lots of small kids who walk, play and ride bikes in the street and their safety is exponentially more important than wherever he poorly planned to be.
we were at a food truck rodeo this weekend when a little boy in logan’s grade starting bothering her. it was the kind of bothering that looked like the little boy liked logan and wanted her attention rather than mean spirited bothering.
we commented sometimes that young people don’t know quite how to act when they like someone else.
ethan said we didn’t know the half of it.
he said there was a girl on the bus that liked one of his friends and this girl was doing all kids of strange things. when we asked for an example he said -
“on the bus she yells [name redacted] has chicken pox and i need to take his temperature in his butt”
to say the train has already left the station on the debate over gay marriage as more and more young people shape the debate seems pretty accurate. and it appears to be picking up steam if our daughter and her dreams of a future “sperm bank baby” are any indication.
i know logan has gotten very clinical explanations of both in vitro fertilisation and copulation from her mother the family medicine physician, but i can’t help but think she is confused about the baby delivering process and the baby making. i’m betting she thinks her “sperm bank baby” will be delivered in a test tube not merely seeded that way…
on sunday the kids had friends over to play in the sprinklers and have water gun wars.
midway through the afternoon they got cold and asked for towels so they could lay out on the driveway and warm up. then of course they requested snacks and i brought out platters of sliced fruit, cheese, meats and crackers.
then they ordered up seconds and asked for grape juice.
i’ve never been to sandals or any other spa like resorts, but i started feeling like the help at one.