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cell no

matthew — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:00:17 +0000

there is a self-absorbed woman who attends our gym. i’ve come to this opinion of her because every time she arrives she requires a personal trainer to keep her motivated and entertained, and her workouts seem to occupy and prevent others from using a full quarter of the gym. there are also superficial indications of this woman’s temperament but i won’t detail all of that here.

a few days ago i was walking in to the market and there was a woman on a cell phone standing at the passenger door of her car. a man in the car next to her had just completed putting his groceries in his trunk and began to patiently wait for the woman to move so he could get in his car.

watching this, and noticing that the woman was oblivious i made a gesture to the man that he should knock her over to get to his car. the man and i shared a smile and i walked in to the market somewhat disappointed that the obnoxious, self-absorbed woman hadn’t been decked.

a few minutes later in the produce section, the rude woman i had seen in the parking lot walked by and was none other than my obnoxious gym mate.

dual 8-bit accumulators

matthew — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:00:25 +0000

my now ten year old nephew (of some random person’s war fame) turned in the following book report.

Charting the Wild West

The Louisiana Purchase of 1803 set off a huge world event, for Thomas Jefferson knew not the cost of the territory, nor Napoleon the mass of the purchase or Jefferson what the area was composed of. So he sent for two trustworthy generals, William Clark and Meriwether Lewis. Both were willing, both prepared for the dangers ahead.

Just barely.

How did they chart it?

One group had twelve personnel traveling, the other had nineteen. The dozen was commanded by Meriwether Lewis, the other by William Clark. In all it was one group, similar to the Motorola 6809’s dual 8-bit accumulators that could be bound in the same accumulator to make a single 16-bit accumulator. (Note that the chip can simply be called the 6809.) (Speaking of microprocessors, the Zilog Z800 [or 8108, 8116, 8208, or 8216] had an extra 256 bytes of random access memory on top of the main RAM [which was either 512 thousand bytes or sixteen million bytes, depending on whether the address bus was nineteen bit or 24-bit]. The extra 256B could be used for two purposes: cache and scratchpad. Note also that the data bus came in either eight or sixteen bits.) The young representative democratic republic was now ready to expand to 50 S. A. and Jefferson knew just how it would occur. A keelboat and two pirogues departed, first encountering Missouri and the Oto; however, the Sioux showed a massive threat. The Yankton Sioux were not pleased with the five medals received and told them to continue west, where they would meet the hostile Tetons. When war threatened, both sides withdrew at the last hour before war. Still, the Corps proceeded roughly NW. On their way, they met a Shoshone whom had experience as a hostage of several Hidatsa. Luckily, they released her. The first fork led them to the Falls, the second to the Jefferson River. Finally, Sagagwea found a long-lost brother by the name of Cameahwait. From Fort Clatsop, Lewis took the entirely uncharted Maria River and Clark crossed the Yellowstone.

That’s all there is to it.

allegedly his teacher took off points for not staying on topic, i think she needs to find him other topics…

growing up

matthew — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:00:28 +0000

ethan seems have to arrived at another milestone in his development. he is bringing home homework with words that he has spelled on his own. he is playing more imaginative games by himself and when he wants to play with us he is asking for monopoly. when we capitulate to playing monopoly, he can cipher out his own money. even, the neighbors have noticed and this weekend asked “who is that teenager in you house?”

this is all very cool, except that this new milestone has put some distance between he and logan and you can see that logan is missing her best friend.

why are you smiling like that?

matthew — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:20:30 +0000

given the near heroine like addiction to plastic surgery and botox our generation appears to have, it just occurred to natalie and i that we may be the ones that look odd as we age naturally, not as it should be, the other way around.

the werewolf on my paper route

matthew — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 05:00:37 +0000

when i was thirteen years old i went to a late night drive-in to see an american werewolf in london.

early the next day, i was out in the fog of a cool autumn morning delivering papers on my bicycle. i never rolled my papers, so as i approached each house i would remove a paper from my satchel, lay it down on the doorstep and then ride away without stopping.

at one of the last houses on my route, with the sun just starting to rise and cut through the fog, i had dropped a paper at the door and was riding out the driveway past an el camino when the quiet morning was rent with horrific snarling and howling. scenes of jack being torn to pieces across the yorkshire moors came to mind as i leaped off my bike and turned around raising my paper bag to fend off the attack.

the attack never came, but years were taken off my life all the same. the el camino had two large dog crates in its bed with a werewolf (or some may say large doberman pincher) in each…

hermione

matthew — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:00:51 +0000

logan as hermione granger.

how naive

matthew — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:00:57 +0000

yesterday i remarked on the new level of cunning my kids had achieved, naively thinking that was a plateau of sorts that they would test out for a while not realizing it was merely a one day stop in their diabolic progression.

today my son came home with a “caught being good” card from school. before i could figure out how he had earned the card, he asked if i could put some similarly colored paper in my printer and make lots of copies of the card.

with my earlier sense of pride waning, i asked why…

he ducked the question for a while before finally admitting he could turn them in to the principal for treats.

six years old and already masterminding a counterfeiting plot. that certainly trumps the mundane manipulation of a babysitter.

no boundaries

matthew — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:00:34 +0000

i will always mark my kids development this week through their realization that a new babysitter opens up the endless possibilities of redefining all the rules…

javatar

matthew — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:00:13 +0000

i obviously chose my profession wisely, because amongst my peers i come across as quite ordinary…

flushed up

matthew — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:27:37 +0000

“who flushed up the toiled?!?”

given the tone and attitude with which logan asks this question, you’d be certain it was her responsibility to fix the problem.

but in the end its always my problem and the question remains unanswered…

girl scout crack

matthew — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 05:00:00 +0000

i believe the girlscouts would be the most profitable organization on the planet if their cookies weren’t quite as good as they are.

the problem with being so good is that we all know to buy a limited supply lest we eat a full box, or two, a day.

multiple-guess smart

matthew — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:00:01 +0000

natalie doesn’t claim to be one of the smartest people on the planet, although clearly she is, but what she is tops at is multiple-guess tests. she has a sixth sense for getting those answers right and successes throughout all levels of school to prove it.

over the past year we’ve been teaching ethan to read. now he will read new books to all of us. as he plows through these stories, logan will throw out words he struggles with as if she has read them, and logan is almost never wrong.

we’re pretty certain this is the early manifestation of the multiple-guess gene.

walking on air

matthew — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:00:33 +0000

i don’t recall who recommended kerli to me but she has been at the top of my playlist for the past few months and today i found out she is featured on the upcoming alice in wonderland soundtrack so now i have two reasons to anticipate that movie (johnny depp being the other reason in case it isn’t obvious).

mind you, i heard her music before seeing this video, so if your coming at it the other way around you’ll have to let me know how that works for you…

three to five servings a day

matthew — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 05:00:25 +0000

i’m late to see this story of americans spend more on overdraft fees than they spend on fresh vegetables, but seriously how much evidence is necessary to prove that the financial sector needs stronger regulation?

the r-word? nigga, please!

matthew — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:00:47 +0000

i’m not a big fan of political correctness, but i had predominantly stopped using one of my all time favorite words out of sensitivity to those who may be offended by it.

so hats off to lewis black for the following quote and making sure we all know that sarah palin, the self-proclaimed decider on appropriate uses of the word retarded, has provided an exemption for satire.

“this word isn’t about mentally challenged people, you’d never call them retarded. you only use it with able minded adults who do something retarded.”

see the whole video here: lewis black, the daily show 8 february 2010, “the r-word”

also worth noting, when i asked my wife if the title and content of this post were too off color, her response was “you know, i don’t like the r-word”, and that sealed the deal…

everyone’s my valentine

matthew — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:22:25 +0000

when i was a kid i remember valentines day as a stressful holiday, not because i was awkward and had no girl friends, ok that too, but because we couldn’t afford the fancy valentines cards that other kids had, especially those with candies or toys in them.

this year both our kids classes are exchanging valentines and when we went to target to see what was available i was surprised to find a variety of star wars, disney, lenticular cards each with pencils, candies or other prizes all around $2.50 for sixteen cards.

so either i really was dirt poor as a kid or china has dramatically improved the affordability of passing off garbage as an expression of love…

who dat!!

matthew — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 05:00:31 +0000

who dat say done won the superbowl!

congratulations new orleans!

and in regard to the commercials:

the tebow ad shocking non-shocking, well played ginning up the conversation.

how did letterman pull off the leno, oprah ad?

and charles barkley needs to lay off those $5 taco bell boxes, it looks like he has already had a few too many…

super ignorant

matthew — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:00:09 +0000

there are a number of reasons i don’t like tim tebow and he seems intent to keep providing more.

as i’m sure you know, this sunday, during the superbowl tim and his mother will appear in a commercial sponsored by the hate group “focus on the family” discussing abortion. i’m don’t know what is in their ad, but i’m pretty certain it will be critical of a woman’s right to choose. tim defended this decision with the following:

“some people won’t agree with it, but i think they can at least respect that i stand up for what i believe.”

actually not timbow – standing up for what you believe means you won’t be getting an abortion.

airing this commercial during the superbowl constitutes preaching to the rest of us. you are certainly welcome to do it, and i am actually glad you are, but at least call it what it is.

and if the game were standing up for what you believe in, stand up and demand the opponent be allowed to take the field, or at least admit you are just being pimped for ratings by cbs…

out with the old, in with the new

matthew — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:00:51 +0000

a couple of things logan has said recently have me concerned she may be planning on eating her parents.

first, she keeps asking if she can stay in our house forever, but wants to know when natalie and i will be leaving…

also, she keeps reminding us that even if little kids do something really bad, people don’t send them to jail…

but she loves at least one person in the family – she recently asked her mom if she had to move in with her husband when she got married. natalie said it was typical and asked who she wanted to live with after she got married, logan responded “ethan”.

tiger serious

matthew — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:00:35 +0000

before the internet, how do you think people figured out to avoid chasing tigers around on the backs of elephants?

mother’s i’d like to fund (milf)

matthew — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:00:09 +0000

jon stewart hits on my half-sister, she’s at the 1:13 minute mark.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-may-9-2005/arnold–the-first-539-days

this new house

matthew — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:00:20 +0000

in my experience, the difference between performing home repairs on a new house and old house are this:

old house: ack, i’ll never be able to find a replacement for this, they haven’t made anything like it in fifty plus years…

new house: ack, who knew they could make this out of balsa wood and rubber bands, i hope i never see one of these again…

i-suck

matthew — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 05:00:35 +0000

i’m such a fan boy…

in spite of all my talk of not being interested in an apple pad computer after seeing it, i’m in love and will be incomplete without one…

narcissism cubed

matthew — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 05:00:36 +0000

this is too funny, scott brown’s wife in a music video.

the browns have to be the one of the most narcissistic families on the planet, shocking he got in to politics.